Ramblings of a Madwoman

I've actually had trouble writing any sort of blog or journal entry, believe it or not. Hell, last night I even sat down, pen in hand and journal in my lap, trying to scribble something meaningful down. Naturally, that goes against a lot of what a journal is there for.

I don't believe forcing yourself to write a journal entry will have the effect you want. You can't make yourself write anything meaningful or interesting, you should just start writing and see where it takes you. I don't know if you've noticed but that's basically what I'm doing right now. I spent the last week or so rummaging my brain for good "topics" to write on and sadly I never made it very far with any of them. It's one thing to have a topic materialize out of what begins as the first few thoughts you pluck out of your head.

It's another to sit down and try to write, at best, what will only end up being a marginally entertaining essay about yourself.

Yesterday I came down with a bad case of food poisoning that can be attributed to "bad ice." As Robert/FF correctly assumed, it is indeed an infamous water-borne stomach bug that is prevalent in unfiltered water. I am doing better now…still a bit frail (haha, me, ME, frail, HAHA) and recommended against eating solids or cold foods or spicy foods, but better. Well enough, in any case, to have to come to work.

Then again I did spend most of the day at home and playing Planescape: Torment (woohoo it doesn't crash anymore but I still cannot get Sybil to reward me for sneaking out of the Tenement…oh well I'm in the Modron Maze now holy fuck I forgot what an XP farm that place is). The longest stretch of sleep I got was two hours long…everything else was, well, rudely interrupted. Plus I jumped on webcam with people I haven't been on cam with for a long time, so that was pretty nifty.

For those who are curious (and awesome enough to be in the know), I am playing through PS: Torment for the first time as a Mage, and my party consists of Dak'kon, Morte, Annah, FFG, and Ignus. I've never used Ignus before so I'm gonna keep him around until I can get Vhailor…though I've never used Nordom, either.

I wanna go ahead and say that this week so far has been wretched for my health. Friday night was Remy's 7 Deadly Sins costume party, with a picture of my costume over there on the left (as at the time of this blog's posting). If you and I talk a lot, you know what happened. If we don't talk a lot, then um, well, basically Friday night was the drunkest I have ever been, to the extent where, after a certain point in time, I do not remember a goddamn thing.

Saturday morning saw an early wake-up and one-hour bus ride out of the city for beach volleyball. For this particular leg of the trip I was still drunk, and upon getting off the bus my hangover started settling in. After downing some water and playing for a while, though, I was fine…but not for long. A combination of excessive heat, leftover alcohol in my system, sweat, and sun all culminated in a whopper of a migraine at about 5 pm (which, thankfully, was about the time we were due to leave the place). I went home, showered, and pretty much made an effort to rest my head. I can't really complain about Saturday though…out of the 29 people who went to volleyball, only 5 of us were girls. I was very much enjoying the view.

Sunday was pretty tame, though I ate a shit-ton. Brunch with my favorites, then over to Romain's to wade our way through a little more Prison Break. (Seriously guys, what the hell do you see in this show, I don't get it. Sure the dude is hot but that doesn't mean the show can't suck ass.) Then, later that evening, came Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, which I saw with the crew (or most of it).

We found out early on that the Chinese version had sliced about 30 minutes off of the front of the movie. If you've seen the whole thing, what we saw as an opening sequence was a black screen, a 5-minute spoken summary, and then it opens up with them in the ice floes. It was, simply put, extremely disappointing.

The thing is that I'm not gonna go ahead and say the Chinese government was censoring anything. I'm gonna go ahead and offer up my two hypotheses: if they remove those 30 minutes, they get more showings because most movies in this country are 2.5 hours in length, tops. Alternatively, by removing those first 30 minutes, it makes the movie harder to pirate, and I shouldn't have to remind you that pirated DVDs are a big deal here in China.

Minus that hiccup, however, I found the movie to be quite excellent, which makes me want to watch all three movies again, back-to-back, pretty soon. I noticed the pendants almost right away in the second movie, though I'm sure I'm not the only one. (I make a big deal out of it because I had to point it out to my sister…even though Lilz had seen the movie tons of times more than I had before I even saw it once.) Awesome ending, overall an entertaining movie. Definitely blew those other miserable excuses for trilogy-enders (Matrix Revolutions, here's lookin' at you) out of the goddamn water.

I never thought much of Orlando Bloom's looks after LotR, but I gotta say that that boy makes one excellently sexy pirate captain.

Moving right along Monday was pretty normal too, though because of Friday I didn't drink nearly as much as I normally did. Just a couple of margies, and only because it was pretty freakin' hot that night. And man was there some amazing eye candy at Zapata's that night. It's gonna be a long three weeks, compadres, that's all I gotta say, hahaha.

Enter Tuesday morning at about 6 am. I wake up in an excruciating amount of abdominal pain. And so begins my saga against bad ice, which I fought off with an inane amount of water and Planescape: Torment.

I still haven't heard back from the new job, which I feel is my cue to start officially looking again. It's a pity because if they said yes I'd be all over that in a minute, but I guess things just got a bit too hectic for them. Ah well. My resume still looks sexy and there are still people out there who haven't seen it yet.

That was a pretty dry update, if I do say so myself. Then again, it does follow a series of very upbeat, egotistical ones wherein I basically told you that I was the best anything ever and that I was amazing at everything I did.

Here's the irony, though. On Monday night, I fell victim to my ultimate vice: a guy that I'm attracted to but consider way out of my league. This happens all the time. As some kindred souls were sweet enough to point out, yes, I know I have all the "necessary equipment," but that doesn't get rid of this mega-mental block I have in my head. If I perceive a guy to be ridiculously gorgeous, I have a hard time being my magnetic, charming self around him. I get all shy and hesitant and self-conscious and then I generally start to ramble on about random things. Yes, I guess you could call it intimidation.

I think in my head it goes something like "why do you even bother he's probably got a hot chick in his sights already" or "he can do so much better than you" or something silly like that. Now I'm not saying hot guys are all shallow…I definitely do not mean that. What I'm trying to say is that I'm a crazy person.

The most psychotic part of it all is that I know all of this is madness but I can't stop myself from thinking it and it is extremely hard to overcome. I can't even say I've been getting better! I mean I can hit on guys just fine, but that only applies to guys that I perceive to be in my league. When it's someone I perceive to be way OUT of it (even though realistically my league probably doesn't have many exclusions at all), I turn into a verbal-diarrhea-spilling toolbox. I become a total tool. Socially inept, even. I say silly and stupid things because I'm too busy second-guessing myself.

So. Frustrating. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH someone smack me in the back of the head and loosen up that block because dammit it is gonna kill my game.