I am so adorable it makes kittens jealous.

Okay, let me break it down for you, okay? Okay.

I am a feminist. No, that does not mean I burn my bras or cut my hair short or get boob reduction surgery or anything stupid like that. What that means is that I believe women and men are equal. Yes, men are better at some things, but they are also worse at some things. The same can be said for women. You will generally find that they are well-balanced in this respect.

I do not think little of women, nor do I think little of men. I have respect for both sides in varying things and I will be the first to recognize when women may not be the best gender selection for a specific task, just like I will be the first to recognize that a man might not be the best choice for a job.

I take a similar stance on attraction.

Someone approached me via the internets about my last blog post, which I do encourage you to read if you haven't already. They told me that all that was easy for me to say because I am "good-looking." (I'm sure they meant drop-dead gorgeous but they didn't want to creep me out. It's okay. Your secret is safe with me.)

Yes, my friends, being presentable is a large part of being appealing.

I am a very firm believer of the whole "do unto others" deal. What you expect to receive, you better expect to give. Simple as all that.

That said, let's say you're in a bar. You are a typical male geek, just hanging out by the bar and checking out all the hot chicks. Let me ask you something: what are you wearing? What do you look like? Because, believe it or not, it matters.

If you want a well-dressed, fashionable, cool, suave, hot chick to respond to you positively, you better be fucking ready to give her the same image of yourself. Why should she, after all, put in all the effort to look good and bother with a 500-pound piece of lard ass that looks like it just fell out of bed and hasn't showered in a week? A girl who puts that much care into her appearance isn't going to want a guy who puts none into his. It's as simple as that. She knows she can do better, and she's right.

(Switch the genders and the same is true here, too, ladies.)

You can argue all you want about "golden personalities" and "eye of the beholder" until the fat ugly cows come home but that doesn't change that what I say is more than partly true.

Want to present yourself as unkempt, dirty, and socially retarded? Then expect the only girls to respond to you positively to be unkempt, dirty, and socially retarded. If you're okay with that, then go nuts.

If you want a physically fit girl, get physically fit. If you want someone intelligent, come off as intelligent. These are not the "opposites attract" aspects of male-female interaction, folks. These are very basic things that make you attractive to others.

Be interesting. Be charming. Be nice. Be attractive. Be intelligent. Pull all these off and I promise someone of the caliber you're looking for will take notice, and you can move on from there.

But Viiiiiiiiiiiv, you cry in that annoyingly whiny voice that only your mother would love, you just told us in the last entry that someone who didn't like us for who we are can just move along!

To that, I respond with a very eloquent L2READ. Seriously. Presenting yourself a certain way is not the same as the content of your interaction. So you got their attention. So what? How are you going to keep it? THAT's where what I said in the previous post comes in. You've engaged them in conversation, so what do you talk about?

Most of the time, sounding passionate about something that you are generally interested in is a turn on, regardless of the actual content of your conversation… and you really can't fake genuine passion in something you're not interested in. Why does this turn people on? Because if you can talk like that about something you are into, that makes the person you are into that much more willing to let you be interested in them so that you'll talk about THEM like that.

If they're simply not interested in what you're saying, that's when you let them move on.

Of course, all of this doesn't account for hot people who don't know they're hot. Like myself up until recently. Sometimes, you'll get lucky.

Now. What I'm talking about is initial spark and attraction… about getting approached. This NOT RELEVANT to developing a real relationship. That's a different can of worms that I will not go into right this second, but suffice to say that it is immensely more complex than getting positive attention and being memorable.

That's where my appeal is. I am pretty, I am intelligent, I am able to carry a conversation, and I am able to make people laugh and feel good about themselves. I am interesting. I am magnetic.

I talk about myself a lot, I know… but that's because I'm just so damned interesting.

OH HO HO HO