Why I'm Awesome (Part 21 of 7,412): SHANGHAI

I have been here since November 2005 and I have to say, in that time, there is one thing I have come to appreciate about Shanghai that is far more precious to me than its vast selection of food.

[ This post is brought to you by my posse and fellow volleyballers. ]

Putting aside things like low-cost housecleaners (we call them "ayis" or "ayi" in singular), cheap food (street food oh my GOD), incredible nightlife, mass amounts of bicycles, stupendously unpredictable weather, fake EVERYTHING, polluted air, horrendous traffic, ridiculous phone manners, and, of course, the insanity that permeates the entire population, perhaps the one thing I like about Shanghai is also present in other such cities.

I am talking about how easy it is to make friends and build a social circle from scratch in this city and others wherein foreign diasporas are prevalent. Most common in developing cities, these are situations where expatriates and other foreign residents flock together and form their own communities within a host city.

What this means is that in cities like this, it's simply easier to get yourself settled in socially. You show up, go to any number of "expat" activities, and you are almost always welcome to hang out with them as friends. It is easy to meet people who speak your language and build lasting friendships based on the fact that you are all going through the same sorts of headaches that come with living in a foreign host city.

I compare this to, say, a city which is relatively well-established, where the host city's language is prevalent enough that all foreigners are able to speak it, and where expatriates are much more easily camouflaged into the local flock.

Going into such a city knowing few or no people beforehand becomes a daunting social task. Friendships have long since been established, and groups of friends tend to be settled in their ways so breaking into an existing circle is difficult. Often, if a friend or relative brings you into their circle, you are classified as "so-and-so's friend/sister/brother" rather than as their own friend.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing. Having done the expat thing my whole life, I (and I'm sure Romain will back me up here) would kill to have stable groups of friends who don't leave after a few years or get kicked out of the country because of stupid visa rules.

I am simply making an observation. My first year in Shanghai was incredibly antisocial for a wealth of reasons, but a lack of social contact was not one of them. I simply didn't ever go out. But once I accepted a few invitations to go hang out, I found myself with a group of friends that are now some my very closest.

Were I to move back to a more stable city, where international schools do not exist, I would have a hard time adjusting not to the fact that people do not spit at my feet or smoke in elevators, but to the fact that starting over and making new friends is a tedious role regardless of how socially adept you are.

It's not impossible, it's just harder. I know some of you will disagree with me, but I'm also willing to bet that you have likely never lived in a city like Shanghai. When you see how easy it is to get settled in a city wherein you don't speak the local language, it really does blow your mind.

This, more than anything, is one of the reasons that I think I will always be at home in a city like Shanghai. I grew up in these cities, where we are thrown into an expat bubble, where expats are always willing to help one another out, even if they have never met before or know each other names, because we can all sympathize with being away from home, with the culture gap, or even just the language barrier. It's not an easy thing, it is always a comfort to know that the people sharing your boat are at least willing to help you out.

You could, in a way, compare it to college, where there is something fundamentally similar about everyone there that makes it easier to make new friends when you first get there. You're all freshmen, you're probably all living away from home for the first time, and it's the little things that come with those two facts that make it easy to build a foundation for a friendship or at least a social connection.

I probably have this sort of lifestyle to thank for the fact that I do not believe anyone should ever walk alone. I've said it before I know and I'm probably not all that unique in thinking this, but I guess that's why I love it when I am basically doing my Dr. Phviv thing for five hours out of an otherwise uneventful day.

Quite frankly, I am staying in Shanghai because of the friends I have made here. Prior to this city, I always had my family as a home base to return to when friends came and went or when we moved on to a new place. Here, this is the first time I have had to build a social network relying solely on my family's own business contacts, and I have to say that all you guys made it so easy for me to come to love this city.

This does include the volleyballers, by the way. I only see you guys twice a week now but SO MUCH LOVE to you guys.

That first year? Hated the city. Hated it. Now I don't want to leave.