Why I'm Awesome (Part 13 of 7,412): OPINE

The past weeks have been an interesting mix of frustration and joy, with one stemming mostly from my job and the other stemming from my overwhelming ability to find things to do that make me happy. I have, however, found very little to write about, because as long since mentioned, the boyfriend and roommate now receive the brunt of my bitching, which quite frankly leaves me with very little to write about. Those who find my anger to be entertaining will just have to wait for a two-day period wherein neither Iping or Romain are accessible to me and, rest assured, you will have something else jumping up my butt and vomiting rage out my mouth.

My choice of imagery is stellar, I know.

[ This post is brought to you by Victoria's Secret and my Xbox 360 and Social Entropy Plus Plus. ]

I am also well aware that my previous entry was so awesome that I have left myself a tough act to follow. That said, I do not care, I'm just going to write whatever I want goddammit and you are going to like it.

As those of you on SE++ may know (as I posted this twice in the same thread), I am currently riding the crest of the wave known as my self-image. At present, I could not be happier with my physical appearance, my personality, my relationship, and my career. Confidence is at an all-time high and while I am perfectly aware of the fact that I stand on the precipice of one hell of a nosedive, I am just focusing on enjoying this for as long as I can.

With a significant boost in confidence comes an increase in the opine aspect of my personality. While already upfront with my take on basically everything that enters my line of sight and beyond, the tendency to verbalize exactly what I think about anything has basically reached critical levels. It's actually gotten to the point where I do it without thinking.

Constantly expressing my opinion is a habit of mine, though I haven't yet decided on whether or not this is a good thing. Sure, it can be termed a "bad" habit in the sense that I clearly do it much too often, but as something that is "bad" or "good" for me, I remain ambivalent. In an effort to sort this out once and for all, I opted to put myself in the shoes of someone on the receiving end.

I remain as clueless as ever on this matter, as it does seem to come down to individual personality. There is no universal way to look at someone who is opine to the degree of helplessness, and by now you yourself have realized that I really like the word "opine." (It rhymes with porcupine and as such is awesome.) Depending on your own personality and experience, you will either find it refreshing, annoying, or you may not notice it at all.

I have been told by multiple people (both online and off) that I am an intimidating, aggressive individual, and that this characteristic is fueled by how opinionated I am on everything. I do not hesitate, they say, to fill others in on what I think of anything, from celebrities to the color green to the Republicans to relationships to South Park. In some ways, my very "animated" way of expressing these views is termed as being "scary."

While I secretly delight in being seen as such an intimidating figure, I do admit that I find myself confused as to why people would think of me that way. Yes, I have presence, which I personally define as being able to walk into a room and be impossible to ignore. I recognize this as a strength, but it is wholly separate from being intimidating. I am essentially a giant bundle of hugs and cuteness and pyrophobia, from whom there is little to fear. It was then explained to me that my intimidation manifests itself in the form of my upfront, confident, and often aggressive personality.

Let me clarify that I do not deny that yes, I do hide that giant bundle of giggles and teehees under a thick coat of booby-trapped titanium (see WIA Part 7: MARSHMALLOW), but this particular brand of fear is, according to experts (i.e., people I like), not what fuels the intimidation. It's just good ol'-fashioned fear.

So, back to the point. Apparently, the majority of people I know find the fact that I am very upfront with my opinions as being intimidating. This group of people are people I generally like but are not very close with, even though I interact with them on a semi-regular basis. These people also tend to find it refreshing that I am so upfront, particularly when people left and right love to hide what they really think behind masks of political correctness and apathy. I am also honest about my opinions, no matter how controversial. People closer to me generally don't find me intimidating at all (most likely because they know better) and they have grown used to hearing me spit out an opinion every five minutes (seconds). All agree, however, that I am aggressive and have a very domineering personality.

Then you have a pocket of people who say what I have suspected all along: their annoyance with how I have to have an opinion on absolutely everything. Generally speaking they tend to wonder why I can't just keep my trap shut and roll with it instead of having something to say about even the most mediocre, mindless topics.

Since these people are not my friends so much as fringe acquaintances, I find that people who think this way are not people I tend to like.

I also find that while I do in fact have an opinion on most things, there are key topics that I just don't care about and I certainly don't express these opinions at inappropriate times. For example, I'm not going to attend someone's very Christian wedding and then ramble on and on and on about how I feel about religion in general. Not unless asked, anyway, and even then I am very careful with my tact.

That said, I think being upfront and honest with your opinions falls under the same rule that most other things in my life tend to follow: I like doing it, I know when not to do it, so I will keep on doing it when I can be doing it.

For me, something that definitely pisses me off is being wishy-washy. Wishy-washiness is for pussies and wimps. Sure you can have those issues that you just don't care about, that's normal. But not having an opinion at all is something that rubs me the wrong way. You don't have to take a stand, you don't have to defend your point of view, you don't have to debate every damned thing that comes up in conversation. But have a stand, have a point of view, and be able to have a damned conversation that goes beyond the versatile yet overly-used utterance of "meh."

So someone might disagree with you. So what. You really want to go out there and please 6 billion people?

Naturally, the other edge of the sword (at least in my case) is the frustration that arises when I feel like the other person simply isn't listening or is refusing to grasp the point. So stubbornly locked into what they think that they refuse to let me finish making my point before interrupting and jamming in something that ultimately derails the conversation away from the original point. They "think" they know what I'm going to say and jump in anyway because to them it's all "recycled garbage" and they have a prepackaged response to it. This frustration, if built up to the point wherein I feel like the other person is absolutely convinced that s/he is right and I am wrong without even trying to see where I am coming from (and wherein I have afforded them that courtesy), I generally explode in a violent blast of impatience. This is also known as a tantrum. I am seldom proud of myself when this happens, but suppressed, seething anger is, in my case, infinitely more damaging.

I am well aware that I am not perfect and that I have very likely interrupted other people in such discussions, but I have gotten significantly better since I decided to put the focus on listening to what people say rather than what I am waiting for my turn to say. (You can't tell I know but the change is there and I like it a lot.)

My conclusion from this round of introspection is that, like everything else, there is a time and place for everything in moderation. Being that this is the policy I already adhere to, I've since decided that this particular aspect of my personality is a positive one. Some people will like it, others won't, but those that won't are probably not the sort of people I'd like to hang out with, in any case.

TL; DR - fuck you, Sil.